The Ark of the Covenant and the Golden Images (1 Samuel 5:1-6:18)
The Ark of the Covenant was the wooden acacia box containing, among other things, the stone tablets of the covenant of Sinai, manna from the wilderness, and Aaron's budded rod. Some box. Gold lined, too. For some reason, God chose to imbue the box with special power. People died if they touched it. And the Philistines, the arch-enemies of the Israelites, craved the box.
Here, later in history, long after Moses and Aaron and the wilderness generation have passed into dust and memory, the Philistines steal the Ark, carry it back to Philistia, and are immediately plagued by mice and "boils". Ah . . . another series of plagues. The Philistines try to cure themselves by making golden images of the mice and boils and offering these to their various gods. But nothing works.
Funny, though, for in the Hebrew language the word for "boils" is actually "opheleim" . . . which means "hemorrhoids". Few translations of the Bible have the guts to get this one correct. Most Bible translators shy away from hemorrhoids . . . and who wouldn't? This was long before Preparation H, and it was easier to pray to the gods for relief. The Philistines make their golden hemorrhoids, line them up before the god Dagon, and ask for relief from the burning and itching and swelling. (They were likely sent to an ER in Ephron where they had to wait and suffer further.)
It's a great Bible story . . . one that hits home in modern times and is perfect bathroom reading material. Lessons? Don't steal, and make peace quickly. Otherwise, God might just kick you where the sun don't shine.
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